Page 221/300 of my autobiography!

Chapter 6

Crossroads: Experience over Grief

And he couldn’t survive.

On May 27th, 2017, life changed as my father succumbed to cancer. While navigating through new reality with new responsibilities, finding time to mourn properly or internalize the loss felt less significant. (That is how it is with everyone I feel, until one day it hits you hard.)

Did this change the meaning of my life? Undoubtedly. But never before had I felt the imperative need to carve my own path, delve into my emotions, and evolve on my own accords, beyond life's unexpected unpleasant twists.

This was not the CLIMAX for me because I wanted to plan that for myself!

As I flip through the pages of my life's chronicles, I would like to take a long pause at the chapter that serves as a pivotal juncture — a 20-day solo trip to Europe, covering Amsterdam, Berlin, Zurich, and Barcelona.

Cut to circa 2019!

In the midst of an emotional maelstrom, standing at a crossroads, still grappling with the void his absence left behind, an audacious idea was seeded in my mind—a solo trip to Europe by my brother. Not aware, it will be a journey into the unknown depths of both the world and my whole being.

“You are living in a bubble. Break free,” said my brother very sternly one day.

The first solo trip, that too to Europe as an introvert, was a thrilling yet daunting thought to start with. The mere thought of navigating bustling streets, unfamiliar languages, and new people stirred up a whirlwind of emotions. As I sat down to plan my journey, apprehension crept in, mingling with the excitement of exploration, with no clue it would define my future. But, when I faced challenges alone, made my own decisions, I felt empowered. Reflecting on the experience now, I'm proud of myself.

Youngest in the family, I was a pampered/guarded child always. A nerd, an introvert, a shy girl protected by 2 men of the family, a father and an elder brother. I never felt the need to do things myself, unlike one day I was all alone for 20 days in Europe. I learned self-reliance in a profound way.

Sometimes you don’t know that it is not merely an experience but a whole learning in itself.

From working on budgeting and itinerary to the daunting task of visa application, it was meticulously handled by me. This pride isn't solely mine to claim. It's shared with my mother and brother, who harbored their own apprehensions. Their trust in my abilities echoed in every decision I made, affirming my capability to manage the unknown in unknown countries.

My visa was initially rejected. I consulted an agent for re-application and was advised to drop 2 countries out of 4 to increase my chances of approval in the next attempt. Yes, I was that adamant. I still don’t know why?!

Many times in your life, you need to go by your instinct and not intellect.

This was that moment for me. With unwavering determination, I took complete charge. I refused to compromise, adamant that I would do all possible paperwork myself again. I handled all paperwork meticulously, determined to succeed on my own terms.

I went with a simple thought: if I get it this time, it will be because of my perseverance and resilience. If not, I would accept it as part of my journey, but with a thought, I tried my best.

When I received the visa on the second attempt, I had tears of joy, much akin to the feeling of getting the merit admission for my Post Graduation.

During my trip, the excitement and nervousness were soon replaced with a sense of liberation and responsibility. With each passing mile, the weight of apprehension was replaced by a newfound sense of freedom and possibility.

In the days and weeks that followed, each day was different, challenging, and fruitful. From bustling city streets to serene countryside, adventures with scuba diving, etc., each piece of my voyage was a parallel journey to unveil myself on layers I had long neglected.

As an introvert who never stepped out, being surrounded by unknown people was a source of anxiety. The thought of striking up conversations with strangers and navigating unfamiliar social customs felt overwhelming at times. Yet, beneath this, there was a determination, a resolve to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the discomfort.

With each passing day, I shed my introversion to embrace encounters with strangers as opportunities for connection rather than sources of anxiety.

Soon it became a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. I returned with not just a newfound passion for traveling but a wider perspective. I was infectious.

Carrying pepper spray, I used to feel uneasy walking streets after 10 PM, a time that served as a parental alarm for many like me in India. Girls constantly fear being watched. The need for an Indian girl to travel abroad, discover possibilities, and embrace responsibilities while connected to her inner self is crucial. You will only know why once you step into the unknown. It feels differently right to feel this different.

What have I learned?

Break free and explore new experiences.

Stretch your boundaries to accommodate growth.

Growth never comes from comfort.

Cultivate intimacy with your own thoughts and emotions.

Recognize your worth.

Breaking patterns is important.

Your self-perception doesn't define your true self.

Travel because travel stories are the best stories.

Get uncomfortable, means you are growing.

Lastly, always take that leap of faith!

Although the physical journey ended in 20 days, its echo still resonates within me. It is a constant reminder of the power of stepping outside my comfort zone and embracing the unknown.

Yes, that is me from the time!